you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
