This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
