I wish I only lived at night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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