I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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