Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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