I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
