I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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