i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
