Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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