Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
