i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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