I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
