My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
