All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
