My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
