Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
