I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
