nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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