I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
