Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
