I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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