So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
