I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
True strength comes from lack of pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize