Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
