ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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