Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
