can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
