So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You made out with two different species that night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
