i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
