He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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