i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
