she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Randomize
