i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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