He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
