Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
