once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
