I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it fun? or sober?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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