Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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