i need an iv and a liver transplant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
