So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
