we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
