mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
