If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
