If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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