i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
