She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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