giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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