i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
