i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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