I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
